Tim's Story. Life After His Parents' Divorce

The following story is true. Some of the names and minor details have been changed to protect the identity of those involved.

The Beginning

Tim came to the St. Raymond Nonnatus for Freedom, Family, and Faith after he had heard we ministered and did outreach to families affected by divorce. Although Tim is an adult, he felt the affects of the family life he grew up in and liked the idea of receiving prayer and someone to talk to. He wanted to discuss his story in order to receive healing from the Lord.

Tim needed healing in dealing with specific personalities within his family. Some of the challenges included negative social interactions with family and social bullying in those dealings.

Tim’s Story

Tim is a 40-something man, with his own family. Happily, he and his wife and children were having no serious issues at home or faith-wise. He asked for prayer in dealing with his extended family on some topics and in his relationship with them. He felt strained in these dealings. Although Tim was raised as a Catholic, he did not grow up with a strong faith. He came to a place of conversion to the faith in young adulthood after he and his wife married and began having a family.

The Issue

Although Tim was not having major difficulties at home and in his marriage, he sometimes felt depressed and alienated. He sensed some of the feelings were coming from childhood insecurities. Tim asked the St. Raymond Nonnatus Foundation for prayer and help to have more confidence in himself in dealing with difficult people especially stronger personalities.

The Divorce

When Tim was in his early teens, he returned home one day to find his father was packing up and leaving the house divorcing his mother. The second oldest of six children, Tim felt a sense of responsibility for his siblings at that time. The divorce was a very bad one. Tim’s father bought a new house and got custody of the kids while his mother stayed back. Both of Tim’s parents had significant problems, so Tim often felt unimportant and did not want to burden anyone by discussing his own feelings.

Tim’s mother had major psychological issues and his father was an alcoholic who was on and off with drinking. He got used to bad communication, passive aggressive behavior and negativity during his upbringing. His father had the marriage annulled, and he moved on. Since his father was quite driven, he continued with a “successful life” career-wise, wealth and an array of “friends”. His mother wound up alone with few friends and continued psychological issues for the rest of her life. Tim would admit his mother was hard to deal with, but he did not want to abandon her. He felt God would want him to remain in contact with her even he did not consider their relationship close. Since his father had a controlling personality, he did not like the fact that Tim showed even an ounce of respect for his mother.

Tim did his best to move on with his own life as there were many changes in his teen years. He did not have many boundaries growing up, and he learned a lot through trial and error. Thankfully, when he came back to his faith, he received the Sacraments and made peace with his past. Back in the 1980’s at this time there was not as much support through counseling and outreach. Tim basically had to hold his feelings in since discussion about either parent caused problems. Especially with his father, if he showed any kind of allegiance toward his mother he was gossiped about, misunderstood and not included in family fun times. He was feeling like he was “walking on egg shells” since the easier thing to do would be to “write off” his mother, but he knew God would not approve. Hard as it was, he continued until he found happiness within his own family with his wife and children and his faith.

Later Life Issues

Sad to say, Tim’s other siblings modeled very much after their upbringing. Negativity, gossip and unforgiveness were exhibited by many of his siblings in their interactions. Tim found deeper faith in his life early on, and he was ostracized in some ways. Since political views seemed above and beyond important in his father’s eyes, religion, especially a "pro-life" world-view was frowned on. He was basically the only one in his extended family still attending Mass and celebrating faith. He felt he could not have a normal conversation with any of his family members because of their judgement of him and his beliefs.

As Tim’s mother began aging, she was placed in a nursing home. Tim was asked to be her Power of Attorney and Executor. Difficult as it was, Tim took on the role of primary care taker for his aging mother now with Alzheimer’s. Sadly, when she passed away, he received no “sympathy” from extended family. Although his parents divorce was long-ago history, he still felt the unforgiveness within the family from years back. Right around this time is when he met the foundation.

Meeting the St. Raymond Nonnatus Foundation

When Tim came to us, he wasn’t sure why he was feeling insecure and depressed after his mother’s death. Not so much missing his mother but realizing the unforgiveness and lack of understanding within his extended family. Through our outreach, Tim received prayer, accompaniment and support since the St. Raymond Nonnatus Foundation for Freedom, Family, and Faith offers support to families affected by divorce.

Although Tim was a “child of divorce” many years ago, receiving much needed prayer and help by the Mercedarian family has given him the confidence to live happily in his own immediate family with his wife, children and others.

Our Outreach

If you or someone you know has been affected by divorce, please contact the foundation. We can be found on the web at www.nonnatus.org. We are here for YOU. And we care.

[To comment on this post or other posts on this blog, please use the "Log In/Sign Up" button at the top right hand of the page. You may sign up using your email address, FACEBOOK, or GOOGLE+. Once approved, you will be able to comment at will.]