An Act of God and the Damaged Image of Christ: Amy's Story of Rejection, Ruin and Redemption

The following story is true. Some of the names and minor details have been changed to protect the identity of those involved.

The Story of Amy

Very often within the St. Raymond Nonnatus Foundation for Freedom, Family, and Faith we meet people who have been brought through challenging times. Those tough times sometimes come in the form of family issues, emotional challenges, crisis or often difficulties in faith. Our foundation is associated with the Mercedarian Religious Order. The fourth vow of the Mercedarian’s is to “give our lives to those who may be in danger of losing their faith”.

Simply put, Amy had a range of issues in her life, but truly she was “in danger of losing her faith” during a time of crisis.

The Story Begins

During the beginning of the trial in Amy’s life, she was a “stay-at-home” mother active at her church and community. A busy mother of four, she devoted her life to her children. Although not raised in a devout home, Amy came back to Confession in her late 20’s and continued to remain active as a “church-goer,” serving in various ministries at her local Catholic church. She and her husband, John, felt at home in their church and were a definite part of the community. Their kids felt part of the parish family and participated in church activities.

Problems at Home

Attending their local Catholic school, one of Amy and John’s boys started going through a trial. Nine-year-old Jack began having major anxiety. He was not performing well at school and was suffering from nightmares. Amy was frantic—calling doctors and calling on her own parish for support. She was unsure what to do, knowing that the issue was psychological, but perhaps had a spiritual component as well. She decided to contact the church to see if she could meet with a priest in order discuss the issue and receive some needed prayer. This is where the story begins.

After the initial contacts made by Amy, little Jack continued with many difficulties, and it became increasingly more stressful at home. Amy's heart was heavy trying to help Jack in the best ways she could. It was hard for her to watch her child suffer so much. Trying to balance being a wife and mother and working some hours at a part-time job were weighing on her as the crisis was expanding at home. She was doing her best to cope. She began attending Daily Mass and was committed to prayer especially during the chaos of this situation.

The Meeting with the Priest

Feeling worn and alone in the matter, Amy arrived at her church and sat with the popular parochial vicar to discuss Jack’s issues. The priest offered a listening ear but remained “business-like” and clerical. Since Jack’s issue was of a psychological nature, Amy felt embarrassed to share Jack’s anxiety issues with anyone aside from those in her own home. She knew Jack himself would not want others to know. In addition to visiting with the priest, Amy finally found a good psychologist and Jack began taking medication for a time. She was trying to “cover all the bases” by going to speak to the priest—thinking the church could offer support. Little did she know at that time, she was greatly mistaken.

The Story Unfolds

Months after Jack’s issues began, Amy herself started feeling anxious and depressed. She reached out to the same therapist her son Jack was seeing and continued occasional dialogue with the priest at her church. She didn’t have many people to talk to about her depression, and Amy’s husband John felt ill equipped to help. Although he loved Amy, he would react with helpless frustration, often raising his voice and yelling when she would start to discuss her feelings. Amy began to believe she had no one to talk to about her feelings. Every time she would try to talk to a friend about it, the topic would change, and she would walk away feeling alone and slighted. She decided to reach out to the same priest again to see if he could make time to listen and to pray. Most of the interaction she had with him previously was somewhat rushed or just in passing.

The Nightmare Begins for Amy

Before the meeting, via email, Amy briefly explained to the parochial vicar the nature of the problems she was experiencing at home. She requested to talk to him in person, and he agreed. Meeting with him at the parish, Amy explained, the best she could, how she felt.

She said, “I feel like I’m having a nervous breakdown even though I am seeing a therapist. I have no one to talk to. No one understands what I am going through and no one even notices. I don’t know what to do, Father.”

The priest responded in a condescending way, “You definitely need therapy. I don’t know what else to tell you.”

Amy sensed judgement on his part since he showed no signs of empathy or compassion. Oddly to say, she feared that he might share the story with others. Little did she know; her suspicions were not without merit.

The next few months became even more difficult. As Amy continued to serve in several of the ministries at her Church, she began to experience feelings of alienation from others who worked in those ministries as well as the priest himself.

On more than a few occasions, as she approached a group in the church entrance, Father greeted every person except for her. On other occasions, instead of referring to her by name he would simply nod or say in patronizing tone, “Good evening" or another formal-like greeting with no emotion.

Something was not right about it all, and she could not figure out what it was exactly. She knew Father had some kind of issue, but it seemed a little unclear.

Little by little, Amy felt less welcomed by her own church community—where she was once an Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion and a lector. Although her children attended the school, she slowly dropped out of school volunteer activities, since she had the impression that Father had shared part of her story and perhaps engaged in gossip about her. She would sometimes overhear him discussing others in a negative way, and she worried. She was feeling terrible, alone and alienated by her own church community where she once felt so welcomed.

The Confrontation

Since life was becoming increasingly painful in the place she once called home—her parish—Amy decided to confront Father and ask him if he had shared her story with anyone within the parish. In an initial phone appointment, Amy shared her fears that something seemed wrong. She expressed her feelings that he would no longer talk to her and seemed judgmental and unkind. Amy began to cry, asking him why he was treating her like some kind of “bad person” or “public sinner”. This is something she sensed since the initial meeting she had with him regarding her son Jack's issues.

His response would pierce her soul like a dagger. He replied, “It will take an act of God for me to ever speak to you again.”

Feeling hurt and humiliated beyond expression—never imagining that these words could come from a representative of Christ—Amy was on the verge of despair. She wondered if Jesus himself felt the same way about her?

The next day she felt as if her head would explode as she drove down the road. In an act of desperation, she made an unannounced visit to a psychiatrist, who gave her a prescription. Leary of becoming dependent on medications, Amy decided to refrain from getting the prescription filled. She held up the paper with the prescription, looked to the sky, and said, “Lord, I can only get through this with Your help.” Amy did her best.

The priest lived up to his words. Until he received his next pastoral assignment, he continued to treat Amy as if she were the adulterous woman and he was holding a stone. As tortuous as it was, Amy remained at the church for the sake of her family. It was the most difficult trial Amy had ever been experienced. The one place that should have been a refuge of compassion and consolation place of rejection and pain.

At a social event some after Father had moved to his next assignment, in an humiliating conversation in front of her family, she learned from another parishioner that Father was indeed gossiping about them. The fact that her earlier suspicions were correct was devastating. Amy knew she must find another parish community, but she didn’t know where to go.

The Quest for Answers

Since her husband and children were still very active at the parish, as Amy’s depression worsened, she decided that she would attend Sunday Mass with her family at their parish church, while searching for another community. She would make daily phone calls to parishes, shrines and monasteries. Most were “nice” and “welcoming”, but when Amy shared the story of Jack and of the unpleasant priest with trusted people, most would advise her to “just forget about it” or “let it go”. She knew that is was the correct advice, but the problem was that she had no idea HOW. She had lost many friends and even felt alienated by some of the closest people in her life, so she was reminded of it every day. Amy searched for advice over several years time –mostly from priests and religious-with no real "help". Finally, the answer to prayers came.

The Phone Call that Changed History

One afternoon, Amy found the number for one of the Mercedarian communities. This call turned out to be a new beginning for Amy and her family. Not knowing a thing about “Mercedarians” she spoke with one of the friars. He listened intently to her story and she spoke to him a few times on the phone.

Weeks went by, and Amy was referred to the new St. Raymond Nonnatus Foundation and was able to spend time talking to another friar who offered her an ear and many prayers. Amy cried, laughed and finally felt “heard”. The friar to whom she spoke knew the priest who had caused her such pain, but would not speak ill of him. Rather, he offered Amy empathy, compassion and the prayer for which she searched. In addition, he was realistic in his expectations. “Forgetting about it,” “moving on,” and “healing” are rarely single moments, but for most involve a process. Amy was finally on the road to healing—a road that can take a lifetime, but a road that we need not walk alone. Through the St. Raymond Nonnatus Foundation for Freedom, Family, and Faith, she was encouraged to see her trial as an opportunity to make new friends and reach out to others in pain.

Whether or not that priest ever speaks to Amy again, the real “act of God” was the miraculous way in which He renewed her life through the Mercedarians and the St. Raymond Nonnatus Foundation.

Healing After the Pains of Life

If you are, or anyone you know is, experiencing alienation, pain, challenges, or “spiritual battles,” consider contacting the St. Raymond Nonnatus Foundation—a Mercedarian ministry. Amy has found a new home and new confidence as part of the Mercedarian family, and her family has been blessed. She is grateful to God. It no longer mattered that the priest with whom she confided, years ago, had closed the door. Amy came to realize that, although she felt alone for so long, the Lord had heard her prayers. He brought her through the pain and helped her son, Jack, to grow in the years since his initial difficulties. God is good. The Lord had answered her long-time prayer for peace in her heart and for her family.

Visit the Saint Raymond Nonnatus Foundation for Freedom, Family, and Faith at www.nonnatus.org. Pray for us and let us pray for you. God bless!

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