A Grateful Daughter of God Most High

The following story is from a friend of the St. Raymond Nonnatus Foundation for Freedom, Family and Faith.  We at the foundation hope that her story will bring hope to those who have gone through great difficulty and have been “rescued” by the Lord in His providence and His love.  Here is the story of “Tanya Jane”.

Tanya-Jane’s Story

From Tanya-Jane: “Memories of my childhood begin primarily at the age of 10. Perhaps, it is God’s mercy that I don’t remember my early childhood years. There is only one vivid memory from those early years… my First Holy Communion. On that day, I was as close to being in Heaven as humanly possible. Jesus came into my heart, and we had a lovely visit. This was my first personal encounter with Jesus… when I first realized that I was loved by Jesus… that He was my Lord. So profound was this encounter that years later, I recognized His voice in a moment of near despair. Life isn’t always happy… not even for innocent children who have an abundance of love, trust and joy in their hearts. Adults have the responsibility to care for children, but unfortunately there are adults who make evil choices for them… choices that impact their lives dramatically… sometimes for their entire lives leaving forever scars. I was one of these children. I am a survivor of severe abuse. My abusers were my father, a teacher and a clergyman… three men who I trusted and loved. In my prayer for them, I have come to understand that they were ill men. Perhaps they had physiological or emotional wounds… perhaps wounds they had delivered to themselves or wounds others had delivered to them. With God’s grace, I have forgiven them, and I feel sorrow for them now. They have all passed from this world. My prayer for each of them is that they made their peace with God. For many years, I hid the suffering these men caused me not ever wanting to think about it again. I continued on never happy or at peace. There was always a sad¬ness and pain that never left the depths of my heart. I pretended to be happy, but even the pretending couldn’t last for long. Deep in my heart, the wounds kept bleeding. There were times when the pain of being used, of being lonely and betrayed were seemly unbearable. During these times, I thought of ending my life – like I almost did when I was fifteen years old. I came close to jumping from a bridge into flood waters. But then, the sweet interior voice of a woman reminded me that Jesus loved me and wanted me to live. I know now that this was Dear Mother Mary speaking to me. So like that night on the bridge, I ran to the heart of Jesus when these evil thoughts of ending my life came to mind. I would rest there shedding my tears on His Heart. I didn’t realize then that those tears and many more to come were part of the healing process. This is how I survived until I was strong enough to search for the wounds I had hidden away in my heart. God never left me alone in my suffering. When the Lord saw that the time was right, he started tugging at my heart inviting me to face the wounds. I resisted, and he persisted. I was not nice to God blaming him for things that he would never do, but he was patient, merciful and loving. I wondered why God had not stopped the years of abuse if he loved me so much… if I belonged to him like he said on my First Communion day. I was angry with God, and evil was dancing. How foolish I was to hide away my wounds… to not ask God to help me or ask the saints to intercede for me. This is what can happen when a person doesn’t trust God… when they are angry, and they don’t forgive… when they forget about the Cross and why Jesus gave his life for us… when they forget that the only way to Heaven is through the Cross. Sometimes, a flood of tears would come forth from my heart, and I would scream out to God…. Why me, God? Why me? What did I do to deserve this? I was not kind to God, but God was kind and patient with me. He listened, and he let me scream it all out. He let me be angry with him, and he let me shed what seemed like endless tears and write countless pages of heartaches in my life’s journal. Through it all, God never abandoned me. He waited patiently for me to surrender… for me to trust him. I have discovered that God works through our tears in a mysterious way to heal us, and that he places people in our lives to deliver his healing touches to our wounded hearts. Likewise, God gives us opportunities to help others who struggle with our same wounds making us wounded healers like Jesus, and in doing so we find more healing for our wounds. Jesus walked with me through the challenges of those painful years and continues to do so strengthening me in the Sacraments… in His Body and in His Blood… always sending the Holy Spirit to guide me… sometimes directly and sometimes through others like my spiritual director, close friends, family and the Church community. Dear Mother Mary always warms my heart ever pointing me to Jesus, comforting me, protecting me and interceding for me along with all the saints. Heaven has begun on earth for me. I love you, Lord. Thank you, Lord. 📷”

Thank You

Thank you Tanya-Jane for your story.  Please pray for all those who need hope in their lives.  We know that the Lord will bring hope and healing to His children.  God bless!  The St. Raymond Nonnatus Foundation is here for you.  We would love to hear your stories of faith.  Visit our website at nonnatus.org.